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Page latest updated: 2025-10-13 PM

Good afternoon, and welcome to your news! Here is what is happening this PM.

Overall State of the US

Welcome to your news! Here's what's happening this PM... and oh boy, do we have a treat for you. You thought your biggest problem was whether your favorite coffee shop was still open? Bless your optimistic little heart. Because right now, America is less a functioning nation and more a Rube Goldberg machine designed by a toddler, where the last marble is a government shutdown, and the grand finale involves everyone accidentally funding a fake Treasury event.

First, the good news! In a stunning display of diplomatic gymnastics, we have a Gaza ceasefire and hostages are free! A genuine moment of joy, a ray of sunshine, almost enough to make you forget that literally everything else is actively trying to become your new primary source of stress. Almost.

Because while some folks are celebrating, Speaker Johnson is warning us we're "barreling toward longest shutdown in history." Longest ever! That's not just a government closing; that's like your entire extended family moving into your house, eating all your food, and then refusing to leave until you agree to let Uncle Gary invest your life savings in his "AI-powered truffle hog futures" scheme. Except instead of Uncle Gary, it's the entire federal payroll, and instead of truffles, it's... well, we don't even know what it is, because Congress is apparently losing its grip on the power to spend your money!

And speaking of money, if you thought you were paying too much for literally everything right now, congratulations, you're not crazy! Turns out, US consumers are shouldering 55 percent of those brilliant "tariff costs." That's right, it's like buying a fancy foreign car to stick it to the manufacturer, only to find out you're actually paying for the optional "I hate the manufacturer so much I'm willing to pay extra" package. And guess what? JPMorgan has a 1.5 trillion dollar plan to boost strategic industries. Which sounds great, unless "strategic industries" means "whatever sector my wealthy friend is invested in this week."

But wait, there's more! While we're all scrambling to figure out if our kids' special education services will be cut because of Education Department layoffs - because nothing says "forward-thinking nation" like defunding the offices that help our most vulnerable - Russia is out here warning that sending missiles to Ukraine "could end badly," casually tossing around "Phase zero of WW3" like it's a new season of a Netflix show. And who's behind Russia's drone surge? Chinese factories! It's like the world's most depressing, high-stakes co-production, and guess who's paying for the special effects? You are!

Oh, and the FBI warned Hawaii about serial killers, a small Chicago suburb is now an immigration "flash point," and if you're renting, your next roommate could be a Boomer. Forget "American Dream," this is starting to feel like "American Scream." The only thing more shocking than all of this is that the Pentagon actually tried to make news outlets sign press restrictions. Because nothing builds public trust like asking the free press to sign a non-disclosure agreement while the government is shutting down and the world is teetering on the brink. Good heavens. At this point, I'd rather take my chances with the dead dolphins washing ashore with Alzheimer's-diseased brains. At least their confusion is biologically explicable!

Bottom Line (No BS)

What Actually Affects Day-to-Day Life?

Historical Context: The Long View

Inspiring & Forward-Looking

Out-of-the-Ordinary Stuff

Concerning News

Under the Surface: What's Really Going On?

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That's all from our news desk. Have a good rest of your day!